Week 27/Day 187 (Friday)
Tao: Kyle, I think it’s time we sat down and had a little talk about the birds and the T Rex.
Kyle: Uh, Dad, don’t you mean the bees?
Tao: No, I mean the Tyrannosaurus Rex, King of the Tyrant Lizards. You must be prepared for life, son!
What do you do if you are attacked by a T Rex?
Kyle: Untie its shoelaces?
Tao: No, you’re such an amateur! Challenge it to a push-ups contest!
What if the T Rex is wearing loafers or flip-flops? You gotta use your brain, son!
Sara: We’ve had the most horrible luck with domestic help!
Our first maid used to stand for hours downstairs, without lifting a finger to clean the rest of the house.
After I fired her six weeks ago, the Maids United Agency sent us this woman as the replacement.
Today, she arrived at our home two hours ago but all she’s done so far is pick up Makoa’s bowl then walk over to the TV.
Since then, she hasn’t moved away from the TV.
Makoa: Mom, did you see that the maid brought my empty bowl back? Shouldn’t she take it to the dishwasher?
Sara: That’s really the last straw. She needs to be fired!
Mitch: Don’t look at me? I’m just trying to learn the experimental dish Tao just prepared for me…
Sara: Grrr, you boys always make me do all the dirty work! Lady, you’re outta here!
I can’t believe you charged us $71 for picking up Makoa’s bowl, watching TV, then putting it back down in front of Makoa!
Makoa: I phone in a request for a new maid. Unfortunately, our original maid returns.
Of course, the first thing she does is throw out the impeccable Trout Meuniere dish that Uncle Tao had just finished preparing.
Makoa: Hello!? What do you think you are doing? Didn’t you notice that my uncle was in the middle of preparing that dish when you first arrived?
You’re fired! Again!
Sara: Makoa, please be a dear and phone in a request for another maid.
Makoa: Good afternoon, is this Maids United? My name’s Makoa Kalani. I’m phoning to request a new maid at Rippling Flats in Newcrest.
Yes, yes. I know that we fired one this morning but the replacement you sent us is someone my mother had fired last month.
Neither of them do any work at all. They just restack dirty dishes from one location to another, without actually cleaning.
So you’ll send us another maid this afternoon? Very good!
But I’m warning you! If you send back either of those two maids again, she will be fired immediately and you’ll never hear from us again!
Makoa: Unbelievable! As soon as I see her walking toward our house, I phone to cancel the maid service.
Next, I immediately dismiss the maid but she still charges us for doing nothing at all.
Well, that was a tremendous waste of practically an entire morning!
Sara: Kyle brings his twin Albert home with him from high school.
It’s sad that I get to spend so little time with my nephew Albert! And I’ve never even gotten to meet my nieces Maia and Hana!
This evening, at least, Mitch and I can help the twins with their homework. I feel so bad that all of Kyle’s siblings are C students.
Jade: I had a really stellar day at work today! And I can definitively confirm that I’ll be maxing Master of the Real this coming Monday!
After finishing my daily task, I relax in the hot tub where I’m joined by Kyle and his brother Albert.
Kyle: Why isn’t your hair green, Jade? What happened?
Jade: Watchette probably just forgot to change my hair for my swimwear outfit. Not a big deal.
Albert: Miss Jade, you would look just as gorgeous, no matter what color your hair is!
Jade: I must remind myself that these two are just teenagers…
By the way, you can really tell how hard Kyle’s been working on his fitness when you see him next to his zero-fitness twin brother!
Still, they’re both very cute! Kyle, would you remind me again when you and Albert become young adults?
Kyle: In four days, Miss Jade, on next Tuesday!
Jade: Albert, how would you like me to become your personal trainer….uh, next week?
Kyle: Don’t worry, Miss Jade! Dad and I can mentor Albert!
Jade: No, you can’t! You’ll both be too busy doing….other stuff. *coughs (Dad’s gonna kill me…)
Tao: Hey, I’ve been hoping that you all wouldn’t mind if I threw a birthday party for my girls here tomorrow.
It’s time for Maia and Hana to age up to teenagers. I’d do it at their house but that house is so cramped.
Also, Makoa has work tomorrow and I don’t want to leave the lot, making him lose his buffs.
Go: Sure, I adore those little girls. Let’s throw them a lavish birthday party!
Jade: Albert, that means you and your mother will come, too, right?
Go: *looks at Jade suspiciously
Tao: I’ll bake the main dishes. Kyle, could you help out with the birthday cakes and snacks?
Kyle: Sure thing, Dad!
Tao: Jade, I’m really happy to see you getting along so well with my boys!
Albert: Dad, Miss Jade’s been really nice to me. In fact, she promised me that next week she would….Ouch!
*whispers: Why did you just kick my leg, Miss Jade?
Jade: *whispers to Albert: Ssshhh, just keep smiling at your father and let me handle it!
(to Tao, loudly): I get home from work at 3 pm just like your boys, so I promised to help him with his homework if he comes over after school.
Kyle: *whispers (to Albert): Why is she lying to our dad?
Albert: *whispers back: I have no idea!
Day 189 (Sat)
Go: Albert, it’s great to have you join us for breakfast, but what time did you get here this morning?
Albert: Um, I’ve been here since yesterday, Uncle Go. I was planning to go home but Miss Jade asked me to stargaze.
Go: Well, that couldn’t have taken all night, Albert. Why are you still here?
Albert: Well, next, she offered to give me a deep tissue massage. I thought it might feel good but it actually hurt quite a bit!
Sara: Jade, I didn’t know you knew how to give a deep tissue massage.
Jade: Erm, it turns out that I didn’t…
Albert: And then I took a little nap and when I woke up my dad was up too, so I ended up watching TV with him…
Go (to Jade): You are skating on very thin ice, young lady.
Tao: I’m just going to stay out of this…
Mel the Mailbox: I’m not sure if Lei is still checking the photos I’m sending her way, but I’ll send her one of young Albert, just in case!
Gned the Gnome: I know you’ve been using the smartphone Lei sent you to take the photos.
But are the photos really for Lei or for your own collection?
Tremain the Trashcan: You know, I’ve been wondering the same thing! How old is Lei now anyway?
Mel the Mailbox: I don’t have to tell you either of you anything! Hmmpph!
Tao: I phone in a birthday party. It’s the first prestige birthday party we’ve ever thrown in this house!
Maia is my first daughter to arrive. She blows out her birthday candles immediately!
Kyle: Maia looks a lot like Albert and I, don’t you think? Her hair is a lighter shade of lavender now.
Tao: Hana hasn’t arrived yet. I have to phone her and invite her to current lot just to make sure she arrives!
Meanwhile, I see Naoto speaking with his sister Daia Sanada in the kitchen.
She was an amazing Diamond Agent, I hear, but she’s a terrible caterer!
She didn’t produce a single dish the entire party, leaving her cutting boards of half-prepared dishes all over the kitchen and on the bar.
We wanted to invite Go’s grandfather, Kage, too, but he’s an incorrigible kleptomaniac.
Tao: So, you finally decide to arrive, little Hana! We’ve all been waiting for you!
Kyle: As a teenager, Hana looks so much like me that people would probably mistake us for twins!
She keeps her blonde hair but gets a short hairstyle instead.
I wanted to get a photo of Maia and Hana together but, for some odd reason, Maia changed into her sportswear and went jogging.
Go: The final shot of the party has to be Tao’s gorgeous wife, Nana.
During the party, Tao was busy herding the birthday girls, looking after the guests, and DJing.
Nana, however, knows how to enjoy a social event—mingling, making small talk, and supporting her husband in subtle, discreet ways.
I’d love to throw a wedding party for Tao and Nana before this challenge ends!
Kyle: That was a fantastic birthday party, but I’m glad it’s over!
I’ve taken a Muscle-Relaxing Soak with Invigorating Cinnamon incense then ate a High-Energy Protein Plate.
Would you mentor me, Dad? I’m so close to maxing Fitness!
Tao: Ahhh, where did my skinny little teenage boy go?
Kyle: Darn it, I’ve reached Level 10 Fitness but not my maximum body potential. What was the point of all that epic weightlifting?!
Kyle: Well, I did five more minutes of epic weightlifting and completed the Bodybuilder aspiration!
I’m definitely ready for The Dancers now. The real question is: Are The Dancers ready for me?
Gentle readers, sincere thanks to those of you who have expressed an interest in the activities and objectives of Cougars Anonymous.
Your dedication to the preservation of “wild life” (good one, @KRae !) are duly noted.
Makoa: grumble, grumble, mutter, mutter
Did you have something to say, Makoa?
Makoa: How in the heck did that little pipsqueak complete the Bodybuilder aspiration before I did?
Well, that’s an easy question! He’s the son of Tao so there’s his genes, for one.
Secondly, he has fewer responsibilities than you since he’s an unemployed high-school student now.
Makoa: But I’ve spent hours trying to complete Bodybuilder and am constantly being mentored!
As I said earlier, Kyle is Tao’s son. He’s dying to perform with The Dancers and he’s been working hard to look good.
You, on other hand, got angry with Tao when he first invited you to join The Dancers.
Makoa, don’t be sad! You’ve done a fabulous job in this challenge!
You completed the Bestselling Author aspiration, which has to be one of the most time-consuming aspirations of all.
You’ve also written Books of the Life for everyone except yourself. You’re doing great!
Makoa: Thanks, Watchette. Feels nice to be appreciated!
I don’t work for three more days until Tuesday, but I’m only 1.5 ticks away from my final promotion.
With Jade getting her last promotion on Monday, it looks like this challenge will be ending next Tuesday!
P.S. The identify of the little brunette girl in pigtails will be revealed in the next update.
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