Mori 8.86: No Waifu, No Laifu (Part I)

Week 43/Saturday

Kyoya: I don’t get it! My cowplant has grown up but my normal plants still aren’t ready to evolve!
Hello, Auntie Hinata!? You’ve been standing there for the past two sim-hours, you know.
Hinata: You should talk! You’ve been idling during that time, too.

Taisuke: No matter, son. Forget about your garden for now. Singles’ Night awaits us.

Rukia: Willow Creek’s Blue Velvet Nightclub is a ghastly mistake.
Everyone here’s either a relative or a ghostly former household member.

Taisuke: Let’s go somewhere else but only with you, me, and our sons, Rukia.
Ignis: How can we keep everyone from following us everywhere?
Rukia: Sadly, we can’t. But we’ll keep Jin because he’s nearing that time…

Kyoya: Prospects are just as bleak at the Old Quarter Inn in downtown Windenburg.
Only one new face, adult Aahana Kumar, shows up with two unique traits. Close!
Shota: Who’s keeping track of everyone we’ve met so far?
I’m keeping a list of everyone’s name, age, and traits.
Shall we move on to the Shrieking Lllama Bar?

Ignis: I’m just going to ignore that guy over there dancing by himself.
They don’t seriously expect me to ask his traits, do they?

Rukia: Don’t worry, Ignis. Your Papa and I have it under control.
Taisuke: Not to disrespect chubby bald guys, but he fortunately doesn’t have three unique traits.

Kyoya: So, you’re not going to go inside the Shrieking Llama Bar, bro?
Shota: Why? You know it’s going to be more of the same thing!

Kyoya: So what shall we do now? Sit by the trashcan and wait for some jerk to kick it over?
Shota: You make us sound like losers, Kyoya. When you put it that way, I’d rather go inside.

Shota: By the way, do you follow the voting results?
Thanks to HelenP, I’m one vote ahead of you now!

Kyoya: Hmmph, you just lucked out with the cool hair and the new matching vest!
Considering I’m four days younger, you should be impressed that we were tied for a while! *pulls out both pistols this time

Rukia: I come outside looking for Shota and Kyoya, but run into the young adult Saya Tanaka instead.
Neat, Hates Children, and Mean—no, my dear, you are 100% not unique!

Taisuke: Of course, I understand why you would be attracted to me, Youseff.
The appeal is irresistible, right?
But you must know I’m a very happily married vampire heartthrob.
Also, you only have one unique trait.

Taisuke: Unlike his brothers, Ignis has been very proactive, going around and learning everyone’s traits.
Shota: Ignis is always such a suck-up.
Kyoya: Yeah.

Ignis: I’m actually profoundly depressed by all this. No waifu, no laifu, amirite?
And not even a biological laifu for this legacy’s final heir at this rate.

Kyoya: I hear you, bro. The female candidates are either old and unappealing, or our cousins.
Shota: I said this.

Shota: And the best-looking dude in the bar tonight is our Uncle Andrew. *sighs
Um, not that I’ve been checking out the dudes…

Kyoya: Then, Oumaiama Al Arabi walks into the bar. The three of us fervently hope that she has three unique traits.
Rukia: Sorry boys, all three of her traits are not unique.

Shota: When Mariko Sakamoto arrives, we throng around her like a pack of starving hyenas.
Kyoya: Oh, c’mon. Not exactly starving! I just ate some hummus with pita.
Shota: Stop being so literal, Kyoya.
Ignis: Sadly, she’s a Gloomy, Non-Commital Glutton. But only Non-Commital is a unique trait.

Taisuke: Oumaima and Mariko are both very attractive, sons, but they’re adults.
By the time the chosen heir becomes a young adult, they could be elders.

Kyoya: Just as we’re about to leave, Saanvi Chandran walks in.
Ignis: She’s rather pretty, too, but she’s Outgoing, Cheerful, and Insane.
Only two unique traits, darn it! She’s a young adult, at least!

Rukia: Okay, boys, we’ve spun our wheels enough for one night. Let’s call it a wrap.
And so the Mori household straggles home dejectedly after another fruitless night of seeking a Primary Spouse.

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